Posted in Horoscopes

horoscopes, #3

high fantasy edition

this week,

capricorn, a lordship will fall into your lap if you sit in the right chairs
aquarius, avoid the unmarried young lady; she is not all she seems
pisces, the sirens will call
aries, the stink of blood magic is upon you and your family
taurus, the queen’s justice is heavy
gemini, your ship will find new lands and new monsters
cancer, do not cry when the heir dies
leo, when the war comes, you will lose a family. when the war comes, you will find your fortune.
virgo, the betrayer watches from afar
libra, beware the spring revolution
scorpio, singers’ words are sweet, but their daggers are sharp as anyone’s
sagittarius, poppy gives comfort, in the end

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Posted in Horoscopes

horoscopes, #2

this week,

libra, it is time to move to sunnier shores when maggots eat through your library.
scorpio, watch out for speeding cars; some won’t have headlights on.
sagittarius, don’t look in the mirror.
capricorn, look in the mirror.
aquarius, contradictions are your friends.
pisces, you’re older than you think.
aries, you’re younger than you think.
taurus, restrain the urge to leap into the air and fly. the neighbours are suspicious of angels.
gemini,  red skies are your blessing.
cancer, keep away from fire. matches are your defence.
leo, don’t forget your roots.
virgo, the dead will haunt your dreams on full moon nights.

Posted in Horoscopes

horoscopes

this week,

aquarius should be wary of business opportunities; they come from the fey of mischief.
pisces, the drains in your house will swallow you whole.
aries, avoid channel 207 where the wild things stay. they wish they could tear through the LED of your flatscreen and live in your mind.
taurus, neon orange will bring out your eyes and save you from a crash.
gemini, deception lurks around every corner. no, right behind you! look!
cancer, a stranger will become a friend today. the monster in your closet will reveal itself.
leo, arrogance leads to a fall. now is not the time to cliff-dive.
virgo, watch for the ones with the purest of intentions. night is your colour.
libra, the numbers 1-10 look inauspicious because of the alignment of myth and fact. stay within home territory.
scorpio, they are coming.
sagittarius, wish upon a tumbleweed and you will prosper. a promotion is in order.
capricorn, truths about ravens and writing desks will be revealed.